Author: onlyinastauffworld

Throwback to 2013. A night at the Stauffers..Sydney took me for a walk tonight and the kids trailed in behind us. Jaden started complaining about half way thru. I told her if she were going to complain we would go home. Needless to say we hooked a left and came home. Her mood didn’t change much after we got home. Grandma got the kids a over the door bball hoop for Easter. Super momma I am, I had assembled this thing and hung it on my bedroom door before our walk. Once home we had a quick supper, jay showered and then ordered Wyatt to play a game of hoops. I sat and watched this start as a fun game of tossin the ball, then Sydney joined in and things started to get a little wild. I told them that whatever they messed up they would pick up. Then the blankets all started coming off the bed..super momma got grumpy and promptly ended the bball game and ordered Wyatt and Jay to make my bed. Oh but Jay thought it was soo funny. Wyatt was breakin a sweat as he didn’t want trouble. Needless to say Wyatt abandoned the cause and apologized profusely. Jay started in on me. I grabbed my phone and started the voice recorder. She proceeded to lay it all out, Wyatt cringed as he foresaw bad mojo coming. I sat quietly while she went off for 2.52 seconds. Wyatt finally broke and ran to my room and started throwing blankets and pillows to reassemble the bed without Jay. Jay had an upside down smile and was glaring me down. I told her she had lost all electrical devices over Easter. She fell into tears and said she wanted to plead her case to the highest court(dad). I pushed play on the recorder and said sure, cause the defendant has it all recorded sunshine. Ahh words and tones she wouldn’t dare whisper to daddio. Her mouth fell open and was speechless. Wyatts eyes got big and started laughing, gut laughing. He asked me if I recorded the whole thing and what I was going to do with it. I said I recorded the majority and daddio would listen when we got home. Jay cries “my life is over!” Wyatt laughs and says “oh my gosh I have been waiting for this day since the day she was born, this will be great”. Ahh siblings and a black mailing mother..all in a days work… Lol Wyatt is still replaying the rant..

This AM at 3:44 AM I awoke from a deep 😴 sleep.. I was sleeping away, deeply.. when something brought me out of it. Now to understand you have to understand the scene. I was sleeping with half covers, facing the wall. I kinda woke up, still had eyes closed and was trying to figure out what had awoke me. As I was laying there it happened again..something sharp poked me on my leg..my eyelids were still shut, but eyes and mind were at full attention. Fear filled my gut.. WTF was that?? Kids are in bed..if it was them I was going to beat them..so I continued to lay there..again two pokes on my leg..I was planning on how I was going to handle this.. is there someone there, ghost, demon or human?? If it was a human I decided I was going to take out 40 years of aggression on them and beat the living hell out of them..And where is the dog? Geezus..and as if on cue.. the frickin dog let’s out a long growl..perfect I thought..this will be awesome news to hit town..keep up n mind th s all transpired in about 2 minutes..I figure it is either do or die.. I opened my eye to see what laid in front of me.. the street light filtered in through my room.. I see four legs sticking up in the air.. Sydney was laying flat on her back right next to me..then she bent her legs like she was running..two more pokes on my legs.. then a little whimper.. Sydney was dreaming….when she would ‘run’ in her sleep her nails would poke my leg.. complete relief flooded my body..geezus.. I slapped her ass and said “dog..find another place to sleep”. She stretched out as far as she could, rolled over and continued to snore..now.. I will tell you.. it was STILL hard to get back to sleep..it could be a long Friday…😴🙄🐶

This story goes back about 6 years or so.. I remembered it on our way to town thinking about spring and all it brings.. baby calves.. YEAH!! And usually the river 🌊running..boo..makes going home tough and longer..so about 6 years ago the snow ❄️started melting and water began to rise..then is rained and added more misery..the Stauff called and said no way I was going to be able to get home..for those who know me it was like he just gave me a life sentence.. a whole weekend in town.  Ohmeegosh..dread.. one weekend down in town.. the kids created their own moonshine still in the yard.. yea yea a story for another day..here comes the next weekend..I have now reached the point I NEED to go to the ranch. I tell The Stauff literally come hell or high water I am coming home.. He says “you might have to ride the cart across the river” I tell him “I rode that cart for 18 years..that is no problem for me”.  “Hah” I thought. I am a big girl I can do this.. keep in mind the kids were little.. Wyatt was 10 and Jay was 8. The kids had always heard me tell stories of rides in the cart..now for those who don’t know. The cart is a little wooden box about 3×5 feet that is connected to a cable, like a trolley car. The cable was stretched across the river and was the way my brother and I went to school or got mail when the river got too high to cross. I had never really pulled myself across, that was my parents and brothers job..I was merely the passenger. I headed out of town later than what I wanted..groceries and kids, we headed north. We cross the bridge at the highway which our river eventually runs to..and it was big.. bank to bank and there, it is a big channel.. A little part of me was like “oh holy shit maybe I should have stayed”. But that other part of me was like “naw, you are a ranch girl..you have balls! You got this”. We slipped and slid through the mud all 30 miles. The kids were so excited to finally ride the cart. It is now dark..but the moon is shining like a flashlight lighting our path..We grabbed our mail and slid down the hill through all the gumbo mud to the river. Now once you get to the bottom of the hill there is one curve where you can see the river if it is big..needless to say, we saw water before the curve.. again..that little part of me said “oh shit, this isn’t good”, yet that other part said, “thank God you are almost home. Now move along and get home”. Chad was there waiting for us.. I parked the pickup away from the river just in case it got higher so the pickup wouldn’t get swept away. The kids and I grabbed some stuff and trudged through the snow, mud and logs to find our way to the cart. I threw the stuff into the cart and hiked Wyatt up.. that little part of me says “dang, I don’t remember the cart being quite this high off the ground”. The other part of me says, “wow..the moon shining on the water is pretty”..the water was big..really big.. Wyatt is so excited..Jay starts to cry.. she mumbled “bahhhh..I am scared…bahhh I want Dad…bahhh” I looked at her and said “well sunshine the only way you are going to get your dad is to get your little ass in the cart and move across the river..we are too far into this now..so MOVE!” Reluctantly she let me throw her into the cart. I threw some groceries that I had packed into the cart. Now the only way I could communicate with Chad was to scream over the rushing water that was about to be below me..my mind filtered through all the memories of my childhood on how we did this.. I jumped up into the cart and gave myself a push…the ancient cart moaned and groaned and slowly rolled toward the river. Jay was still bawling..Wyatt was still excited..and I was starting to panic..I couldn’t believe how big the river was.. it was moving fast..millions of scenarios started running through my mind.. one part of me said “WTF are you doing? There is NO way you can do this?” My other part of me, the badass side says, “frick, I agree WTF are you doing?” Then all three of us panicked..I get to about 3/4 of the way across and the cart stops.. here we are dangling above a raging river in the middle of the night.. I told myself that this was it..I was done.. no clue what I was going to do.. The Stauff is trying to pull the cable on his side..the cart lurked and slowly crept to the side of the bank where The Stauff could grab the cart and finish pulling us to the stopping area.. that little part of me said “Get on the ground and thank Jesus, God and every other Devine intervention”. While the other part of me said, “yeah baby, that’s the way it is done..baboom”. We all get out of the cart.. I am still shaking. The Stauff says, “you still have groceries in the pickup?”. I said “yea, there is about 6 sacks left”. He says, “ok, you guys stay here and I will run over there and get it”. He jumps in the cart and away he goes. He gets to the other side in seemingly record time. He hollers at me over the water “I think I got my fingers”. I holler back, “serves you right for going to fast”. He grabs the groceries and hops into the cart and pulls himself over, again, making record time. He jumps out of the cart and says, “the wheel ran over my fingers, I am scared to take my glove off, I think it cut them off”. I thought I was going to pass out. I told him that we needed to get to the pickup with lights so we could see..we all grab groceries and go stumbling through sagebrush and logs to the awaiting pickup. I thought I was going to throw up but knew somehow I had to keep myself pulled together. We got to the pickup and we opened the door to see what had happened.. he slid his glove off and thankfully everything was still attached..but there was blood. I told him that I would take him across the cart and to town to get his hand looked at..inside I was like “omg..I don’t think I can do this” but kept a determined look just the same. He said that he just wanted to go home that he would be fine. Guilt started to come across me. I felt bad that all of this bullshit that we had just went through was for me being stubborn.. half way home of the 4 miles he said “there is so much pain in my hand, I have to pull over, I think I am going to pass out”. He stops in the road as we were following a muddy rut trail and laid down on the flatbed for a bit. The kids and I and all our groceries stuffed around us.  Wyatt looks at me in the midst of the utter quiet and whispered, “what are we going to do with Dad?” I looked at him, jay was still whimpering Wyatt needed answers.. In my best adult advice I could drum up I said, “I don’t have a damn clue”.. Wyatt just sat there and was like “oh, ok”. About 15 mins goes by and The Stauff crawls back in the pickup and away we go. We get home and he tried to wash the blood off, but water flowing on top of it sends him over the edge. I got sick.. I grabbed my Google machine and Google smashed fingers, symptoms and treatment. According to Mayo Clinic, he would survive and there is nothing a Dr. could do for them. I felt some relief.. I told The Stauff of my findings.. I don’t think he found comfort in them. He somehow pulled through the night and was able to clean them the next day. We went back to town on Sunday and since the water had dropped significantly by then we were able to cross the river in the pickup to get to mine. One would think the story was over.. but it picked back up a few weeks later.. we had gone in early to attend church. We were sitting in our pew in the clear back. It was the usual seating arrangement, me, Jay, Wyatt and The Stauff. The Stauff was pestering the kids as usual and I was busy hushing giggles and laughs as usual. Chad leans over the kids and says “hey, smell my fingers do they smell?” I glared at Chad with the ‘hush’ look.. he stuck his fingers to the kids 👃 noses and the kids shreiked “yuck, that is gross”. The Stauff looked at me kinda funny and he leaned over and whispered, “I think my fingers really stink, can you smell them?”. I looked at him and said “really? We are in church and you want me to smell your fingers? How about after lunch?” He just smiled at me and agreed..we finish church and go grab lunch. We are kicked back at the playhouse and he says, “hey will you smell my fingers, they really do smell”. So I gave in and smelled his fingers..the same ones he smashed in the wheel of the cart. I thought I was going to puke after a brief sniff. My eyeballs jumped up and I said “holy shit, your fingers are rotten, get your shoes we are going to ER room.. away we go kids in tow.. we get the Dr and explain what had happened earlier.. a couple X-rays of his hand and he pulled up a chair with the diagnosis.. when Chad ran his fingers over in the wheel, the pressure actually blew the tips of his two fingers out and he had fractured the bones in his fingers. All four mouths kinda hung open.. the Dr continued to tell us that the hide under his nails was basically rotten so he would need to remove that and scrub all the bad gross stuff out..so sure enough the Dr pulled both nail beds completely off. He scrubbed the fingers until he had good blood pouring into the pan..the kids and I just sat and stared…that one part of me said “poor Stauff, geezus, I feel terrible”. The other part of me said, ” hmmm,that didn’t go as planned”… that following summer we bought a rope that would pull us across so we wouldn’t he to use the cable.. and to this day, have never had to use it.. 🤔😜🤗 and if the river would be too high to venture home again..I would buy more alcohol and stay in town..lesson learned. 🍻

T

T

Since I am sick I was thinking about other days of craziness and I remembered this post..Up at 6:30 on a Sunday? I am sure most of you are in shock and amazement..but, let me tell you why..after my nieces wedding last night and home late..I had every intention of sleeping in..the dog came into our room this morning pacing around. I thought..oh she wants out..I get up, let her out and she blows up barking..I think to myself..stupid dog..she is barking at the air. I get a drink of water, holler for her to get back in and we go back to bed. She is still antsy in our bedroom.. Then all of the sudden she barks..eyes fully opened now, I roll over and say ‘you sum bitch shut up’..she repeats..I look at her and she isn’t barking out the window she is barking at me.. I ponder why would she be barking at me? I rolled over to look at the side of the bed..sure enough..I find what the fuss is about.. My heart stopped.. My eyes kept focusing and re focusing..I grabbed chad’s arm and said ‘Chad, there is a bull snake that just slithered under our bed’.. Chad kept on sleeping..I raised my voice and repeated.. He awoke and was like, ‘are you sure it was a bull snake?’ I told him I was pretty sure..the dog leapt up onto the bed with us. We just sat there for a few minutes processing..Chad gets off the bed to grab a flashlight..he looks under the bed..nothing.. He looks at me.. “You sure you were awake?” I just looked at him.. “Yes, there is a snake under the bed”.. Chad said “did that damn Jake bring him in?” I looked at Chad and said “unfortunately Jake has been outside all night”.. So Chad gets some gloves on and I get shoes on. I am to watch my side in case it slithered out..I have picture prints under our bed.. He starts pulling them out one by one..nothing.. We look at each other.. “Let’s tear the bed apart”.. We tear the bed apart..nothing..except for the hole in the floor that we put in to bring our tv wires upstairs..I looked at Chad and made a cussing remark.. Chad says “well mark last night as the last night the kids will ever sleep downstairs, and I can’t really blame them”. We let Sydney in to sniff around the bed frame.the only thing left is a roll of Christmas paper..Chad goes to pick it up and it is laying right underneath it. The dog jumps, I shriek and Chad repeats my cussing. He says “get the door” so away we all go out into the driveway shovel in hand with a roll of Christmas wrapping paper. Chad kicks him off the paper and kills it.. We come back to a room that is tore apart..Chad looks at me and says “I guess today we try to figure out where he got in”.. I am thinking the bed looks fine there..right here in my living room.. So..the hound finally paid her dues and Jake wasn’t involved..although the next time she barks inside I will probably pee my pants if not something more..

So really the day ended as most days do..spitting headache..tired body..tired spirit..ya know a typical shitty day.. the clock struck 5:00 and 15 mins later I was sprung for the night. My head was focused on a grocery list..what do I need..what will we have for supper..how many days do we have in town..what day is it..do we really need to go to the grocery store..blah blah.. jay and I jump in the pickup and head to the grocery store. I am waiting to turn onto the street. Rubbing what little makeup I had left on my face off. I glance up and low and behold what do my blood shot eyes see?? That would be Captain America walking down the street in complete costume, his star shield, a big ole back back and somehow positioned on his back the American Flag..I looked at Jay, “well today can’t be all bad Captain America is walking the streets of Lusk”..she grabs her phone to film the event.. sure enough..he is even posing for people that give a gander his way..we both just laughed..off to get groceries..we are telling everyone about our siting..everyone is in disbelief..we leave the grocery store and jay says “ok, let’s go find him one more time”. I tell her “ok, I want my picture taken with him”! She freaks out..”oh no, you will not get your picture with him”. I told her she didn’t know me very well.  Away we go to the north side of town..nothing..off to the southern end and wahlah..there he is on a street corner posing for passer bys. I get into the other lane and jay jumps in the back of the pickup yelling “I can’t believe you are going to embarrass me like this, I will not take your picture”. I smile at Captain and drive home..at least I made her sweat 💦..lol… 😂😂🇺🇸🇺🇸 I will tell you this he looks  a lot different in person…🤔🤔🤣🤣

There has been a slow burn in all of our bellies this afternoon…we were are dreading the trip back to town for the week.. ah it was so nice to be home for a few days..so it was not a shock when there was a lot of silence on the drive.. the clouds and light were the coolest colors. I stopped a few times so the ‘photographer’ of the family could snap a few shots. By the time we got to the highway it was the shitty time of day.. not really dark, but not really light..just shitty driving light..eyes were peeled for deer and whacko drivers. About half way to town we come upon a car going about 50 miles an hour..Suddenly they pulled off the road… Jay says “well they are obviously running drugs”…we all agreed and went on down the road..pretty soon we come across a car with it’s flashers on on the side of the road. I slow down and get in the other lane to pass..Jay says “wow, another drug deal”..we giggle and go on down the road.. about a half mile down the road I am driving along and all of a sudden a human appears along the side of the road walking down the highway. I about shit myself. I stared down the road and said, “that sum bitch is walking down the highway obviously to town. I have no clue how we did not hit him. Geezus H..that scared the shit out of me”.. Jay was like “you?? I looked up and all I saw was a face”.. we kept on going and when we got cell service I called dispatch and told them of the hiker and they said they would send a deputy out.. whew..holy cow.. now that is a way to get the heart going for the week.. Chad would have taken my license for sure..fender one weekend and a person the next.. omg..😳😳😳😲😲

S