So my hump day this past week was one of those days where going back to work at 7:00 P.M. seems like the perfect thing to do..the thing that might keep my sanity..so to fully ‘get’ the story. Last Sunday we are at the ranch talking over the coming week.. the week had track meets scattered throughout and at the end.. prom..the first for Wyatt. We were going over his attire.. The Stauff says “you should get him some dark jeans 👖 to wear with his suit coat” my first thought was “oh yea, that would look great” then reason tapped my brain and said “dude..where in the hell are you going to get dark jeans by Friday”.. hmmm I thought..I grabbed my trusty iPad and away I went shopping for the perfect pair of dark jeans to be delivered in Lusk by that Friday..and then with a ray of ☀️ sunshine through the window I found THEE pair of jeans.. I have Wyatt come over and approve the jeans..I gulped as I hit the pay with over night shipping of $20.00 on top of $80.00 initial cost. I quietly closed my iPad cause if The Stauff knew how much I just spent he would throw a nut..boom fast forward to Wednesday..I get home from a l o n g day at work. Wyatt’s jeans had been delivered and I was happy, content.. I roll through the front door and throw Wyatt his jeans and asked him to try them on.. I glance at Jay and she has her nose buried in her laptop concentrating on something. I shrug it off and wait for Wyatt to model his new jeans. He walks out and says “hmm..they fit a little different”. I looked at him “what the hell do you mean they fit different, they are the same brand, style and size as your other ones”. He hunched his shoulders down..I knew where this was going.. He says, “well I think they are miss marked, well…look how they stack on my boots? They don’t stack right”. I looked at him, “you have to be frickin joking me…seriously.. they don’t stack right? Wtf? Come again? You are 15..how do you even know they don’t stack right?”. He hunched his shoulders lower “ho hum..it is fine..I will wear them..they are fine” for the love of God. I tell him “fine, fine, take them off, I will send them back”. I take a deep breathe and Jay catches my glance..”umm hey 👋” she says “if I ordered something from Amazon tonight would I have it by Friday?”. I turned and looked at her “oh me, so what in thee hell do you need from Amazon by Friday?”. She says, “wellllll. A girl on our track relay team wants us all to wear black tights and a black shirt to the track meet on Saturday..I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe.. “well jay here is the deal.. no..Amazon is probably not going to come through for you, as Family Dollar here in town probably won’t either or the grocery store..as we don’t live in a damn town that sells such shit..ARE you serious with me?”. She just stares at me and drops her shoulders..I thought I was going to have an outer body experience.. she says “well I need it, by Saturday”. I looked at her in a disbelief.. my brow line deepened.. “let’s review what I just said one more time..I really don’t believe I am going to be able to pull these all black tights and all black long sleeve shirt out of my ass tonight..SO..let me ponder 🤔 on how in thee hell I am..ok?”. I grabbed my tea and told the dog I would be back later.. both kids mouths hanging open.. so I went back to work.. I mainly needed to zen a little before I blew.. I get calmed down after awhile and The Stauff calls.. “and what are you doing?”. I paused, do I tell him of my hell I went through in trying to please our kids or do I keep it light? I decided to let him taste a little of my hell.. I tell him about the ‘ugh it isn’t stacking right’..I was waiting for him to blow, he says “oh really? They don’t stack nice huh?”. My brain stopped..did he just feel Wyatt’s pain?? He says, “well, I would say just send them back and let him wear his favorite jeans..I scratched my head and thought do I tell him how much I spent on these special jeans..reasoning said let it go.. so I did.. then I tell him about the tight dilemma..his reaction, “OMG your are frickin kidding me..$>}*}£,?+|+€\|>,+]*|,+*\|,!\~,\+£.. I sat there and said “welcome to my world”.. so after he calms down he tells me..”ok, well here is a plan, I can run to Casper tomorrow and pick it up for her after work”. I shuddered at the thought.. The Stauff doesn’t shop and he doesn’t like to spend cashola..but I had no choice.. I croaked an 👌 “ok”. I went home zenned up cooled off with a plan..the next day after The Stauff gets off work he calls me, “ok, I am heading up, where should I go to get this shit?”. I closed my eyes as I had a premonition that things were going to get ugly..I told him I would start at Dick’s the sport store”. He said, “ok then, I will go there”. We chit chat for a few mins and he says, “ok, I am here, now where would these things be”. I popped up the store layout in my head and started to direct him. He says, “oh here is some, what size does she need?” I was impressed, kinda like holy shit, this isn’t so bad after all, what was I worried about?.. I say “well in women’s probably a small or extra small”. He didn’t say anything.. “um hello..are you there?” He blares into the phone “$70.00 frickin dollars??? You have GOT to be shitting me”. Then I thought, yea yea.. this is what I was worried about.. I say, “well welcome to my world Stauff, shit is expensive”. He stammers and spits, “well this is bullshit, I am not spending that. Isn’t Target in this mall?”. I said “yeppers, that it is, just down the hall”. He says, “well I am going there, I am not spending that..{,!?€|?%*\'(grumble grumble blah blah)”. We talk on his walk to Target, I think he was proud of himself for beating the almighty dollar. He finds the sport sections in Target 🎯. I asked him if he was in the right area and he shot back with, “well I am surrounded by sport bras so I am thinking I am”. And finds nothing in the area of tights.. I tell him “well maybe try the girls section and get a size 16”. With triumph in his voice now he says, “oh yea, I found some that will work..yea, these are it”. I raised an eyebrow and my mind said “alert..alert..something is off”. He says, “do you want me to send you a picture of them?”. I said “yes please”, a Little too eagerly..he hangs up and “beep beep” the picture comes through in a text. My mouth falls open..I am trying to text, call, send a smoke signal..anything to stop the completion of the transaction..I get him on the phone, he still has the sound of accomplishment in his voice..I kinda felt bad to burst his bubble..”hey..abort the purchase of them.. those are Yoga pants with wide bottoms, she will skin both of us if you get those.. she is wearing them for track not to practice downward dog”. While all of this is going down, I am talking to my friend LaVonne who tells me that kohls is having a great sale on sport clothes.. so I have this intel in my back pocket.. he took the news well that the pants were not running tights. I quickly add in my new intel about kohls. He says, “well where in thee hell is that store?”. I tell him, “ok, it isn’t In the mall, it is heading east of the mall on the main highway”. He calms down and heads to the next store. I tell him, “ok..do this..You walk into the store, there will be people working to your left, you tell them your story and what you are needing, they will help you”. He agrees..baboom I thought.. I got this covered. I get a phone call within 5 minutes. A little breathy, he says, “well ya, just so you know..Kohls doesn’t sell shit like that, I asked them and they said they were really 😐 sorry but they didn’t sell that kind of stuff, my best bet would be to try Dicks..SO I guess I am heading back to Dicks”. I was quiet..silently cursing every girl that worked at Kohls. I know they had them..I come back to The Stauff still yapping and spitting on the phone. I hear, “ya know I am about ready to go to Murdochs and buy her black long handled underwear, I have driven Over 100 miles (crazy exaggerating there..😂) on my car just driving in this town trying to find this shit..and now I am heading back to the place I started out to buy tights that are $70.00. How about you call our banker and he can put a few hundred dollars into our checking account so we can afford these damn things”. I just sat there, “uh huh..yep..uh huh.. I agree”. I prepped him for the trip back to Dicks, “ok, when you walk in, there will be people working on your immediate right, tell them your story, at this point they will feel your pain and they might help you find some other ones that are cheaper. Stauff you got this”. He takes a Deep breathe, “ok, I will do that, I will call you when I leave”. I don’t hear anything for about 30 mins, my hands are 😓 sweating. The phone finally rings..I answer, “yes…did you find them?” He says “well, I walked into the store told the girl my story, she points to a part of the store and says “yea over in that area”. So, I wanted to tell the stupid bitch that I was just in that area about 30 mins ago and didn’t feel the $70.00 vibe..but I didn’t..I went and found the first pair of tights and found a long sleeve tight 👚 shirt as well.. I paid the $119.00 bill and went to my 🚗 car, imagine my surprise when I looked down at my tire and saw a flat”. I held my head and breathe. ..he continued, “so I got the tire changed and the shit for Jay.. I will tell you one thing, she better live in this shit”. I just repeated, “uh huh, I know..yep..dang.. yep..oh man”. He told me he would call me later. I tell Jay, “your daddio has ‘the goods’. I am going to give you some advice tho, you should make sure your dad sees you wear this stuff till you move out of the house..like a lot..”. She smiled a weak smile “ok”.. fast forward to Saturday..track day and prom day..his jeans that he likes that ‘stacks’ nicely is ironed and ready to go..a return label slapped onto the other ‘not nicely stacked’ jeans to go back to their home. Running tights and running shirt drenched in black folded and ready to be thrown into a gym bag. I have successfully conquered the week.. I look at Jay and say, “hey Jay, what events are you doing again?”. She says, “high jump, 100 sprints and 200 hurdles”. My mind stopped..”umm you forgot your relay didn’t you”. Then Her mind ✋ stopped right after she says “no, I am not..um I mean I won’t know till I get there”.. I looked at The Stauff with a raised eyebrow.. He started laughing, “omg she played you SO bad”. So sure enough..no relay, but I will tell you one thing she looked good out there in 40 degree weather wearing $119.00 worth of tights..and we wonder why my hair is turning gray at a high rate of speed..🤔🙄😘
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